whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You did what with his pubic hair?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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