I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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