she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This baby is an asshole
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
