I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We named our party play list daddy issues
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
