wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
