It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
