Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
