I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
