so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
