life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
