There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
