After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
