Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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