i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
