I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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