She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
