WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
