and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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