I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
