For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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