We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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