I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
