I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
