I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
