My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
