Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
