If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
