so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
