Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
