"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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