I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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