Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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