Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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