Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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