is your mom at the bar?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
