she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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