I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
