before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
