Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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