are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
