Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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