Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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