turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I understand Curling. That high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
