Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
