That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
