Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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