legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
