this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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