love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
