Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
