and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
