so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
